i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
