she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
