sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize