I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
