I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Is Oprah even human
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
