She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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