I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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