He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize