I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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