I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
