Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
