shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you told grandpa to call you daddy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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