What did we do last night that was yellow?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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