My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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