Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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