i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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