Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize