Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
