at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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