all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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