I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
