I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
