She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
This is the high leading the old right now
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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