you traded sex for a burrito?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
did you just send me my own nude
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
