It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
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