I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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