scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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