I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
