my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
