first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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