Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
