Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
how drunk are you?
Several
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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