the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
