if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
