I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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