he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
