I'm really into asian looking animals
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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