i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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