my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
