Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
