I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I am available for nakedness
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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