epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
