im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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