Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize