I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I understand Curling. That high.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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