I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
