Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
