I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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