just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
