Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
