NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
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