The maid of honor just puked.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
