He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize
