I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
