Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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