If i come over, it means nothing
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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