you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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