Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize