I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
