best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need a burrito and a hug.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
