so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
