Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i was born a porn star she said
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
