Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
