Dual....:-)
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize