Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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