you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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