so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
