Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
