Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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