does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
