I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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