He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
