and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
