On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
